Eighteen Forever
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "great_escape00" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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12:03 am
[Link] | everyday feels like i'm getting closer to something.
somethings going to happen- and it's going to be good...
i love the stars
and my heart skips beats when he's at home..
goodnight waterloo..
Current Mood:  cold
Current Music: wonderwall
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03:18 pm
[Link] |
sat staring at my hand, remembering how your hand looked next to mine...
it's getting really f ing busy at school and it loves creeping up on my tired being.
"facing forwards going slowly, waiting for you to show me"
been having a pretty awesome time these days. everyday reminds me how great i feel about myself and my loved ones. sounds lame, but i'm truly outrageously happy. and .. my smile hardly ever wears off.. and my laugh sounds happier than it used to.. yah.. happier.
and recently i found some songs i love. i enjoy every song.. and play them over and over, and never turn them off.. i haven't made a cd yet, but i'm on it.. today or tomorrow i suppose..in love with my new music always helps my mood, and let it be known i used to have all my cds in my car except for a few that i kept in the room, and now i have 4 cds in my car.
brand new.
blink 182.
november mix
and october 25..
and it isn't always satisfying. can't wait for my april fun to be complete- going to be a pretty great cd, i can't feel it.
feel like i spend all my time with lacey these days. well lacey, corinne and liz i guess.. and kinda my mom. haha. i hardly see anyone else, so busy being with the above and doing school shit, but it's weird. oh yes i just heard tiffany come in .. gotta run soon!!
I REALLY WANT SOME COKE.
not too sure on one tree hill yet. i'm giving it a chance though. but basketball.. really? half brothers.. pushing it. but that girl likes some fun misic.. so i'm going to give it two more tries.. haha. ok i shouldn't be writing ahha. i'm not even making sense pretty sure.
done school in 2 weeks. whoop.
k i'm out.
heres a good one for today..
"i'll be the photograph that plays your favorite albums back as you're lying there, drifting off to sleep.."
sit and contemplate your day.
bye
Current Mood:  high
Current Music: sweet avenue
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12:32 am
[Link] |
seen more guts in eleven year old kids..
"I spent a year quietly dying while he let go and ignored her
And I’m sure that there are reasons for everything that happens
And absence leads to adoration, yeah it’s nobody’s fault"
spent all my time procrastinating today and now i am paying for it. and i seem to be taking another break and writing a journal for no reason. i just finished my assignment now all i have to do is study for my exam.. yes. i cut it a little close but i'm feeling confident..
gave up some good sleeping time to contemplate friendship. went for breakfast with the mom and saw some old friends. which was great. and uhh then i sat around writing e-mails i will never send and drinking diet pepsi.. gave some serious thought to jumping in my car and driving away for a bit but decided to sit on my window ledge and stare out at the pond..
slept a little because i was so tired.. got up and worked for an hour then went to see liz. and we smoked outside. yes. first outside trip for spring. whoop. and a successful one to say the least. drove back to oakville and went to lacy's and yes i have a crush on my new landlord. but what else is knew. but seems to me thesse days everyones name is mike.
lace and i did no work. we went to shoppers. then sat around watching seinfeld with mike. then i left around 11:30.. and started working haha. ok anyway i'm dead tired and still ahve tonnes to do, so i'm off.
the stars were to die for tonight and gives me hope for some reason. although i don't really think anything is wrong with me, beginning of spring, feeling a little lost so far, but i think this feeling is becoming an every two month kinda thing.. and i don't mind.. well.. goodnight...
missing relationships are the worst.
"And there’s a thousand movies rented for a thousand nights with him"
i like to think there is a reason for it...
goodnight really.
"I turned around and found
exactly what you would expect.
Clothes all left on my floor.
the Papers piled left on my desk.
But where the ink is
where the cause effect what’s meant by it
the story is incomplete.
The pictures’ left unfinished.
So I am writing my own ending.
I’ll let my pen bleed black or blue.
And I will color in the meaning.
It will be gold and green and true.
And I’ll learn to love my new discovered proof.
I’ll be grateful for this day.
I will be grateful for each day to come."
Current Mood:  contemplative
Current Music: brand new colony- postal service
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06:09 pm
[Link] |
yes dashboard
"I wrote a record and I didn't like it so much," Dashboard Confessional singer Chris Carrabba said recently. "It didn't feel like the right songs for where I'm at in my life right now, so I started again about four weeks ago. Now I've got another one and I like it a lot — I can talk about these stories truthfully for the next two years. I didn't think the last batch would mean something to me [over time]."
The as-yet-untitled new album, tentatively slated for release late this summer, replaces the somewhat piano-driven, collaborative effort Carrabba talked about last fall (see "Dashboard Confessional Look To The Future And See: A Piano").
"To be frank with you, I think the other songs probably would have sold a lot more records, but they didn't really register [with me], so I couldn't do it, so I moved on," Carrabba said. "The edge I was feeling inside really wasn't coming out on the record."
To find that edge, Carrabba revisited earlier methods of songwriting.
"There was certain vibe that I was wondering if I'd lost," Carrabba said. "So I started exploring all the stuff I used to do, all the bands that I've been in [Further Seems Forever, the Vacant Andies], all the songs I used to write, and started wondering what kind of writing I could do if I put all those things together. So I did, and I'm much more happy with it."
The way Carrabba writes, he was unable to salvage any of the lyrics or music from his discarded music. "My lyrics get attached emotionally to the notes that they accompany," he explained. "I'm not very good at mixing and matching. I know some people who do that and I'm really jealous of that. I can never really make it work."
Carrabba said the songs on the follow-up to A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar will be more experimental than past albums.
"They make left turns when you aren't expecting it," he said. "And there's some odd time signatures, but it's not like I'm beating anyone over the head with it. I just needed something to kick me out of that place where I was. I thought, 'I'll write some complicated songs and see if I fall back into the [right] place,' and I did."
Indeed, Carrabba seems to enjoy the challenges that change brings.
"I'm big into changing the vibe with almost every record," he said. "I think it would be a great idea to find a new environment, although [working in the studio means] you sit in a room with no windows for a month or two. But I think it's good to have new scenery when you're walking to the studio from wherever you're staying."
Dashboard is also planning to try out a different producer.
"James Wisner and Gil Norton have made records for me and they've both taught me so much about music — not just about recording music, but how to see music and how to feel music," Carrabba said. "It's about finding that connection with somebody that you trust enough [to tell you], 'This part sucks and isn't good,' and doesn't blow smoke."
Before recording the album, Carrabba will test out some of the songs on a short solo college tour that kicks off next month. Carrabba has also scheduled a reunion show with his former band, Further Seems Forever.
As for the discarded album, don't count the songs out just yet. "Now that I've done [another LP], I can probably look objectively at this other batch and say, 'Not bad. I got a hell of a lot of b-sides now,' " he joked.
Chris Carrabba tour dates, according to his Web site:
4/26 - Brockport, NY @ SUNY/ Brockport
4/27 - Hempstead, NY @ Hofstra University
4/28 - Fairfield, CT @ Sacred Heart University
4/29 - Elizabethtown, PA @ Elizabethtown College
4/30 - Asbury Park, NJ @ The Great Bamboozle (Further Seems Forever reunion)
5/1 - Baltimore, MD @ Loyola College
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03:23 pm
[Link] |
you can take me anywhere..
helllo journal.. yes i've been cheating on you but i'm back for an update.
i bought a spa package today.. which is weird of me. i should have just said no!! but it was the hugest deal ever and maybe i'll give it to my mom for mothers day or something! She can come down, go to the spa and then get lunch or something... hopefully she appreciates it.
i plan on making a new cd today. i haven't decided my theme or what songs i'm going to put in but i know i want it to be good since i seem to be so sick of all the other music i have. thinking some bright eyes, random kelly clarkson.. perhaps some postal service... and maybe some fresh dashboard.. to bring in the spring. man this weather is teasing me huge.. and i can't wait to walk out of my house without a fucking jacket or vest on... without freezing to death.
"the sun will heat the grounds under our bare feet in this brand new colony.."
i had a pretty okay day at school, minus i'm doing ANOTHER project with that sarah girl, and i really don't like her. haha i try. but she is just so the opposite of me in EVERY SINGLE WAY!! we agree on nothing and man i get along with a lot of people and see eye to eye with a lot of people but we just clash. and to boot she died her hair this like yucky red.. then blonde... then BLACK on the bottom.. oh god, so now she is even more distracting to look at. i've made a huge effort to be nice but she is really rude to me.. and now i've chosen to just not talk at all.. so everyone can ask me whats wrong.. so really i can't win..
thinking about having a nap soon. i have SOOO much work to do and absolutely noooo energy to do it. i have to do maddd makeup applications this weekend and i'm hoping to get to lacys today or tomorrow to do some work.
i wish brand new would bring out the new album i could REALLLY use that right now. gosh. oh we went the bar last night for ali's birthday and i had the WORST TIME EVER. haha i sat in the corner and hardly talked. i realllly didn't want to go.. so corinne begged me and then smoked me up but i was sooo high and i dind't want to spend money so it was a HUUUGE waste of money and time.
my parents have been so great lately. i feel like i was a huge bitch for so long and now.. now.. i'm not or something.. but i think it really was them. they changed not me. at least. i'm gonna stick with that.
jared took back his brand new poster today and i almost cried. haha i understand though. hmm.. sucks cause i reallly liked him.. i'm just all over the place and he couldn't handle me.. and i didn't want to make the effort... so i guess that's it... and now i have no brand new poster. and no seinfeld seasons.. on a good note the boy across the street from me plays guitar in his window now. which is great. haha. and apparently wears red tshirts now, which i dunno if i like that or not!! anyway. i'm outt because i have nothing to say..
lllater.
"i'll be your winter coat"
Current Mood:  okay
Current Music: brand new colony- postal service
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11:52 pm
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i forgot to understand...
i just spent 35 minutes writing the most thought filled journal ever.
i am soo disappointed that i might by really pissed off for like 10 minutes.
went to the neostrata school last night, then lace and i went to a bar ahha. it was nice to free myself from the roommates and jared for a night. lace and i went and i got wasted again. and i'm really dissappointed in myself because i didn't really think i would sink to that level. but i have. and my question for the world tonight is.. why do boys come along when you're not looking? because you can spent months attempting to find something other than a crush and find nothing. so then after this guy invited us to this chicks house and we got a ride with him and his friend. this chicks house was soooo nice it was obviously her parents place and it had the biggest bathroom i've ever seen. and i smoked the fattest joint i've ever seen in there too. then i lost lacy for a while but found a boy named pat and we chatted it up about 50 cent and our youth for a while- which is clearly my favorite topic. aha because i love talking about candy shop and how it's polluting our childrens minds. and i think of course 16 year old boys expect girls to put out, cause thats what we sing about, see everyday and hear about. and of course 16 year old girls put out because boys don't like girls that don't enjoy being slutty 75% of the time. anyway i got home way too late, not really sure how i got home but jar was here and he was NOT impressed. then i missed my 8am this morning but i made my 11am.
lace, natalie and nicole and i headed to the grand opening of H and M today and it was way packed so lace and i ditched nat and nicole for square one. we spent over an hour at mac, then we went to faces and then she bought mad clothes because she's going back home next week and she wanted some new stuff to wear. i was attemptng to save money for new york. but i did come home with 6 eyeshadows, so... obviously i dind't do a very good job.
jared and i went to see a movie tonight but then we changed our minds because i dind't want to miss the OC, go figure. we went to the turtle jacks. and i have to say it was pretty good. i loved it. the salad there was fabulous.. almost as good as montanas.. hah pretty pricy though... and then we got tcby in the subway.. k.. why is there tcby in the ever so smelly subway>? EW. but still pretty good. OC was okay. i love that summer and seth are back together.. because i love them. a lot.
"i find peace when i'm confused. i find hope when i'm let down not in me in you..hope to lose myself for good, i hope to find it in the end, not in me... in you... in you.. it's all i know, it's all i know.. it's alllll i know.... in you. in you... it's in you.......THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING IN THE WAY, THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING GETTING THROUGH...BUT IT'S NOT ME.. IT'S YOU... it's you... "
...giving in and falling again is way tough. wish me luck.
so, in my last journal i wrote a huge part about friendship, relationships, regrets, and all that jazz. but, uhh i guess i can summarize.
i'm not sorry for hurting anyone that i did. because it was not intentional.
i'm sorry that people that taught me a lot about friendhsip, love, responsibility, fun, honesty, respect, goals and trust are no longer apart of my life, but so thankful to have had them for my 15-18 years.
i completly appreciate everyone i've spilled my heart to. i also believe that if you were ever a good person... maybe you will be a good person again.
and people change. from innocent to not so innocent, from caring to selfish, from honest to liars and from selfrespecting to nothing. and it happens to all of us. we fall through cracks. we give up on people. we lie but i can honestly say i don't think that people actions and peoples words mean they will stay that way forever.
and i don't think it is possible to meet someone when you're young and grow into different people and find yourself still closer than ever in the end. eventually people change for the better and for the worse and it just doesn't work. and sometimes it does because some people make it work.
but sometimes words, actions, phone calls and hate cannot be settled and cannot be erased. and i would NEVER ask for that to happen. everything that has happend has happend to better us as people. to show us who we are.. and who we want to be.
i appreciate all my old friends. one things for sure, i would have given any limb, any amount of dollars, any amount of love, any amount of time for my closest friends. but if there is anything i've learned in the past 18 years of my life. everything changes.
even if you don't want it to change.. it does. even when you need it to stay the same, it changes. and eventually.. it's for the better. we can use our past relationships, friendships and experiences to guide us through future relationships and friendships.
of all my friends i've had - time has healed my hate, anger and wounds. except for one. because i don't think it's been long enough. i don't need to get into it because there is not enough room for me to write everything i think. feel. and wish she knew. i gave up my dignity, honesty, and personality for her and i will never regret that. but i hope i see her one day and look at her and know that she's grown up and become the person i thought she would be.. or just,... anything better than what she is now. so for now my anger is wrapped up in seventy times 7 and time will allow me to take this experience, and grasp the good from it.. and hold on to it.. so hopefully when she sees me walking by she'll know i'm a better person than i am now..
excuse me if i made no sense. but i think about this more than i would like to admit. because it hurts to be hurt. it hurts to be let down. and it also hurts to watch a person change from someone you used to know and love.. to someone you wish you never knew at all... unfortunatly i think i hold that place for past friends of mine as well. and i'm not sorry. because everyone needs to be hurt to learn. so hopefully i hurt someone and hopefully they appreciate the pain now, and with time i hope they gain knowledge and wisdom from what has happend. and as childish as it feels these days. i replay voices. occasions. nights. talks. walks. and i'm truly thankful. for everything i've received, even the bad. and i really never thought i would ever say that.. ever. because i've been so angry. but it feels good to let go.. and to know. i'm who i want to be and there's nothing better than that feeling. so. thank you to all the great and not so great people. i could list the people that i still replay memories of because every year, these people cross my mind.. and every year i add someone new.
and pictures are terrible when you don't want to see them. and letters are worse.
i should get some sleep, because i just wrote two journals. and the first one was wayyyy better. and i have to remind myself to talk about the tshirt store boy later. and my brand new t shirt that is being ordered for me.... :) yes. victory.
oh. and....
"Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know.. Like how to deal with despair or someone breaking your heart "
goodnight moon.
Current Mood:  accomplished
Current Music: dash-saints and sailors
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11:33 pm
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the waiting period...
So am i the only one that feels like january to april are just the months i spend.. waiting for the good months? haha maybe it's because i don't enjoy.. jan.. feb .. march.. but i do enjoy a touch of april i must say. i like the happy easter colours really.. that is all. haha and i enjoy lent music.. really sadish music..
i can't wait to go to new york- seriously it will be wicked amounts of fun to say the least. i plan on shopping- only if my mom gives me some money... and.. having some wicked times with the godmother and the mother. my mom seems to be cool these days- and it's getting really old with me cause i spent a lot of time finding her to be a terrible person but these days.. she just.. doesn't say the stuff she used to. i think she has finally accepted that.. i will never think like her. i will never judge people by their families.. because i'm nothing like my mom.. why would other people be like their moms or dads? and i will never be a fucking snob for no reason. i will never put people down for trying hard.. haha but now.. she's just so cool. she never says anything like she used to.. i have a feeling she's waiting until i decide to get married.. then she will throw out all the negative comments in the world. but until then. my mom seems to have unlamedified herself. and i'm pleaseddddd
well i could not get weed last night or tonight and i've had it up to my forhead. i could start getting weed here.. and i just might.. i really dind't want to have to give in to that. but i am one more attempt away. because i hate waiting for weed. it is a huge pain in my ass to say the least.
my brother left for england today- hopefully he is ok and hopefully he does well because i think that would make my dads life.
had a good weekend- although i feel like i worked more than i slept. and smoked less than i have in weeks. so... maybe not so great. haha. but liz and i had some good laughs. and i've come some conclusions about the situation- without really talking about it with liz.. but .. i dunno. i feel like i change my mind every two seconds. but relationships are weird. and so are boys. that's all i've got today.
hung out with the kieran tonight for wayyyy too long. i love talking to him haha. too bad he's a bum. i can't justify hanging out with a bum all the time. he's sooo nice. but i feel like i take people like that under my wing. i'll try to help him.. and just get really disappointed in the end.. because why would i be able to help him... after soooo many people have tried?? "is this real leather?" "uhh probably not..."
did some research today for marketing about smoking and alcohol. my conclusions. weed is wicked.. drinking ruins families and tears people apart.. and smoking kills people... hmm..
jared gave me his brand new poster and it is currently right above my bed. so i can lie on my back and stare at it.. in anticipation for their new cd. yes. can't wait. dunno when it's coming but i know it will come eventually. but my blink poster is still way hot. and i sometimes turn my head and look at it and remember one fucking wicked night at the molson, watching those fucking incredible boys.
"this punch is amazing!"
ok i should go to bed. i was waiting for a phone call and it doesn't seem to be coming any time soon!! guess that's what happens when you say you're going to be somewhere .. and then you don't show up. i like to think i'm just as difficult as the next girl...k goodnight.
oh- the good thing about march- the stars seem to be coming out and shining like august. oh and that reminds me ... the line the soco song.. "and it's been autumn since the day that i met you.." is good. but i reallllly like how he says it and i really wish it was in a different song about a girl who like got away, came back, and never really left his heart.. and it would go.. "and it's been on since the day that i met you".. i think that's really cute. makes me shiver just thinking about it. haha so when i write a song.. it will be about a boy obviously and i will say that. with the same instruments and vocals.. just not autumn but on haha. ok. that is all.
goodnight goodnight
Current Mood:  chipper
Current Music: swing life away-
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11:14 pm
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he never asked me how..
Okay.. so this week has been pretty great so far i must say.
monday- went to the classes, had some solid laughs with kyla
came home and no sooner did i sit down and relax did i hear a knock at the door. greg came over.. it was weird.. cause.. everyone in my house is friends with him.. except me.. haha. but i spend more time with him than i do some of my actual friends around here. haha. anyway- we smoked a nice bowl while we waited for tiff to come home. he's pretty halarious actually.. and i love that he is an 'artist' because artists amaze me.
the jared came over not to long after and we spent the whole evening together. we went to the cage haha and i met jareds ubber cute friend that i want to hook up with liz. haha yes. well not actually cause he totally has a nip ring, and really.. i can't fully understand why ANYONE would get one of those haha but he must have an interesting story. then jared and i had a music war, which i will at a later date explain. but it was awesome. but i didn't end up getting to bed until.. after 2 so..
tuesday came and i saw the snow and decided i was having no part in class, which is way unlike me. i love the school but my car was under a huge pile of snow- plus i wanted to sleep more, plus i wanted to get on 'the road' earlier for home. jared left for school and corinne decided she wanted to smoke. so we went outside at 8:15 for a nicccce 2 bowls. then we feasted on some excellent lasaguna.. uhh. lasuagnia.. uhh yah i don't know how to spell it really.. haha can you tell? then i watched some tv and jared and i went for a walk- cause we're idiots and there was like snow up to my KNNNNNEEES. then i left for home.
the roads were not bad at all- despite all my warnings. anyway-- had some wicked times at the home. with the mom and dad.. then the liz. it was great...also liz has figured out what she is going to do for school next year which is super. and allllso she is loooking for a job ... which is also fucking awesome. so the liz life is back in order which is great.
bad stuff- i lost 20 dollars. i lost my weed.. and my brother was being a fucking spaz. and the neighbors went on vacation.
i came back tonight, and i spent like 10 minutes between tues and wed.. somewhat complaining about finley.. and now i feel bad.. i did kinda miss him.. so maybe that's why i was so bitter. haha. he is annoying.. but .. i kinda like it. SH! plus.. later on.. he called me over and was like hey laura- look what i got you! and he busted out a bag of mini eggs. "i was at the store.. and i saw them and i thought HEY laura likes these" k.. so i officially feel bad. haha. man sometimes i am such a bitch without a cause.
excited for work on friday- though i will no longer be visiting sunrise records. haha yah that's right. i'm never buying another cd there. HMV it is. plus HMV has a bigger punk section anyway. so f you sunrise. and i'm sorry i ever got a sunrise card. or that i ever bought anything there!!! ps- don't send me emails.
k so.. 'm really bored and i can't sleep. god. i finally got over all my sleeping problems and now i have NEW ONE!! now i can't sleep again.. actually this isn't new.. this happend last summer too.. like may-oct i stayed up like wayyy too late every night. why? cause i'm clearly a weirdo.
anywayyyy. i'm out. gonna go and see what kieran is doing haha. hopefully halo 2. haha whoop!! peace. 8 oclock class tomorrow- funnnnnn. oh... but 10 days until new york!!! YEESSS. haah.
k bye for real
"this is the first day of my life.. glad i didn't die before i met you.. now i don't care i could go anywhere with you.. and i'd probably be happy..." oh bright eyes. it never ends with you
Current Mood:  nice.
Current Music: no lies just love, bright eyes.
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12:29 pm
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todays gonna be the day..
i rolled around in bed for like 3 hours this morning.. not sleeping, nor was i awake- weirdest thing.
i need to cut back on the weed i think. yah.. because i love it, but really.. i can't afford it.
thought about school this morning- and i'm way happy to be going back and stuff. i love school. i can't wait to see my school friends too! i can't wait to see jared hah not seeing him for a week was like the longest time ever. but i spent it with good company. ohh the liz. how i wish you lived in oakville.
ps i might be doiong some training with liiiise watier. whoop! i'll die if i do.
my nails have been red for WAYYYYY too long. i can't wait to get back tonight and take them off. sucks cause when i open a bottle of nailpolish remover in that room.. it smells up the entire room.. haha. ew.
i'm working today! one thing i hate about the mall. is you see EVERYONE and THEIR MOTHERS for that matter. i hate it. you see ALL people at the mall.. god. it kills me. haha i kinda want to hide sometimes. actually i did hide yesterday! hahaah. nice.
my cats miss my parents- cats are amazing.
i need a new lipgloss..
brand new needs to get that new album out before i go crazy
i love the salad at williams. it's sooooo goood. and i would eat it everyday if i could..
alright so i'm off to the work.bye journal
comes a point when you realize who she is
it's not worth fighting and it hurts a whole lot
chasing someone who breaks you and lies to you
is time not spent so well...
do you even know who she is at all
do you even want to know?
sad thing is.. i think you do
but don't get trapped in a love song
cause it's not love.
Current Mood:  good good
Current Music: gifts and curses
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01:47 am
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you know you're baked when..you fill out one of these..
Sexual Preference] boys
[Height] 5'3
[Shoe size] 8
[Parents still together] yess
[Siblings] dave..
[Pets] bob/scotch
Favorites:
[Colors]hm black
[Number] 88
[Animal] cat
[Drinks] diet 7up
[Soda] umm diet 7up
[Book] creating faces
Do you...
[Color your hair?] yes fortunatly
[Twirl your hair?] uhh occasionally
[Have tattoos?] not really
[Have Piercings?] i do
[Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both?] yes
[Cheat on tests/homework?] um yes.
[Drink/Smoke?] no. except i smoke..
[Like roller coasters?] sure
[Wish you could live somewhere else?] no i love living where i am
[Want more piercings?] nope
[Like cleaning?] if its my stuff, yes.
[Write in cursive or print?] printish.. i feel like everyone i know writes kinda like me
[Sweat a lot?] not so much
[Own a web cam?] i dont.
[Know how to drive?] yes. G whoop.
[Own a cell phone?] ha. yes.
[Ever get off the damn computer?] obviously
Have you ever:
[Been in a fist fight?] no. thinking about starting.
[Kicked someone in the nuts?] nope
[Stolen anything?] haha yes
[Held a gun?] unfortunatly
[Drank?] i have.
[Been so drunk you couldn't remember your name?] no.
[Considered a life of crime?] everyday
[Considered being a hooker?] no..
[Cried over a girl?] uh. yes. kalee haha.
[Cried over a boy?] if i said no. i'd be lying
[Lied to someone?] ohh yah
[Been in love?] since my eyes met his
[Fallen for your best friend?] uh no
[Made out with JUST a friend?] i guess
[Been rejected?] it's my favorite past time.
[Been in lust?] hmm..
[Used someone?] apparently.
[Been used?] oh have i ever.
[Been cheated on?] guess
Currents...
[Current clothing] uhh i'm in my work uniform
[Current mood] high
[Current taste] peanutbutter cups..
[What you currently smell like] smoke. and fcuk
[Current hair] ponytail. haahha
[Current thing I ought to be doing] sleeping?
[Current cds in stereo] brand new..
[Current crush] none
[Current job] sdm
The last time...
[Last book you read] life under the brush.. by some women with brown hair
[Last movie you saw] the shape of things- weirdest movie ever. no seriously. made me in the weirdest mood for like 2 days..
[Last thing you ate] melted blizzard
[Last person you talked to on the phone] got my phone call!
[Do drugs?] uhh.. i believe it was 11:45 when my dearest friend liz and i ventured to the garage and smoked out of her beautiful bong. yes.
[Have a dream that keeps coming back?] oh yes
[Play an instrument?] half ass piano
[Believe there is life on other planets?] not really
[Remember your first love?] hmm vaguely..
[Still love him/her?] hm, not so much
[Read the newspaper?] i have to
[Have any gay or lesbian friends?] hmmyup
[Believe in miracles?] not really...
[Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?] with all my heart.
[Believe in God?] most days
[Do well in school?] hha i am!
[Go to or plan to go to college] no thanks
[Wear hats?] no. but i do have a hat with a heart on it.. i wear it some days
[Hate yourself?] nope!
[Have an obsession?] think so!
[Have a secret crush?] everyone has a secret crush
[Collect anything?] songs.
[Have a best friend?] hmm.. not a firm believer of the term
[Close friends?] liz is my closest!
[Like your handwriting?]kinda
[Care about looks?] guess so. i like make up?
Love life
[First crush] jamie lapin.
[single or attached?] attached
[Do you believe in love at first sight?] sort of.
[Do you believe in "the one?"] believing doesn't always make things true.. but i'm willing to take the risk
[Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?] uh.. love and basketball anyone? hah weirdest slash greatest scene ever. (ew)
[Are you a tease?] no
[Shy to make the first move?] not really
Are you a...
[Wuss] no
[Druggy] i'm starting to wonder
[Daydreamer] ha
[Freak] nope
[Dork] yes...
[Bitch/Asshole] why not.
[Brat] no but i know some
[Sarcastic] i have been.
[Angel] uh.. no
[Devil] uh.. no
[Shy] hmm not so much
[Talkative] i can be chatty
[Flirty] hm, not really.
Current Mood: great.
Current Music: dancing with myself
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12:39 pm
[Link] |
do it!
http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=862&first=yes
1. dashboard.
2. some rando yelling band
3. brand new.
wow, that quiz did a pretty wicked job. haha please note i am 85% dashboard apparently. yahhhh.
Current Mood:  creative
Current Music: brand new rules.
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10:11 am
[Link] |
have another drink and drive yourself home..
"Give up my body in bed. All for an empty hotel. Wasting words on lowercases and capitals. I lie for only you. And I lie well."
Excited for my weekend. My parents are outta here. But i'm beginning to miss them. I feel like it's been years since i've seen them at all. I'll see them when we go to new york i suppose. i'm totally excited about that. i love the new york i must say. not more than paris of course but i do love it, for sooo many reasons. and i'm having a flash back of when i was 12 and my friend and i saw a homeless- and us being from waterloo had never seen a homeless, and if we had, i probably just thought they were sitting on the ground hanging out. SO we went to our room and gathered all our change, like 15 dollars worth ahha and went downstairs, snuck out of the hotel- way bad haha, such a risk taker i am. and we walked down this street outside our hotel and to the telephone booth where we had seen the homeless.. but he was gone. so we turned away and just as we turned.. he moved... and scared the shit out of both of us. so we threw the money and ran... ahha. love the new york. haha
liz and i are catching up on our bennys since we seemed to have been missing out since i left for school. and it's great. my mom left me no pop in the fridge. hi that's like a terrible thing to happen at this house. ahah there is ALWAYS POP! and when i asked her i got, "laura, you work where i get pop- get some" so i've concluded haha i should go and buy some pop later- hahaha. like.. when i go to work ahha.
"my tongue's the only muscle in my body that works harder than my heart. And it's all from watching TV. And from speeding up my breathing. Wouldn't stop if I could. Oh, it hurts to be this good. You're holding on to your grudge. Oh, it hurts to always have to be honest with the one that you love. so let it go."
OH btw, i LOOOOVE working at the mall. it's sooo fun. it's soo busy and people shop in couples more at the mall i find. like.. younger couples most of the time. but still fun to watch. and i have a feeling SOOO much shit gets stolen at this shoppers.. haha cause sooo many kids come in and leave.. ahha buying nothing, maybe they like to wander around.. but lets face it. when i was 13 i wanted gum, pop, lip gloss and a treat. so.. i really don't know where i was going with that... point is. haha, people steal, and well.. it should only be done in small amounts haha. ok. i'm dropping this now. but i love the mall and i think it loves me too! which is great
okay i should run cause the cleaning ladies are coming soon and i'm not dressed ahah. and liz will be waiting since she had to fight some crazy battle to move her body this morning ahha.
jared is coming home from the dominacin today! yay. haha secretly excited for my phone call!!
OH! btw, oc last night was what i've been waiting for since the second season started. i love summer and seth a lot. spider man though really? but i'm over it. but uh.. yah. ps- marissa is sooo not a lesbian. i get it. alex is hot. ahah she doesn't need to DATE her though. or live with her. haha i'm wondering how marissa plans on paying rent. hah i hope she gets a job, that would be a good episode!!
oh no they are here..
BYE
Current Mood:  excellent..
Current Music: brand new anyone?
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10:05 am
[Link] |
Back again..
i had a wicked dream about this journal. so i've switched back and very happy with the move.
i love great escape. a lot.
i was reading over some of my oldies, wow, i'm actually crazy. and i really worked A LOT in the summer.
so i'm back, and uh i got a slammin brand new pic which i'm way too excited about.
got the breakfast with liz. and we're going to watch the shape of things, man that movie is so weird, but i want to buy it.. makes me think. a lot. cause i need to do more of that.
stayed up until 3 last night. went outside and froze just to see that god damn gorgeous moon and the few stars that surrounded it.
i don't want to turn 19. shh. hah it's far away but seriously it's creeping and i want NO part in 19.
k off for breakfast. later
Current Mood:  refreshed
Current Music: Last Chance to Lose Your Keys
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01:15 am
[Link] |
first song for your mix tape
i'm actually kind of getting sick of being asked about my journal.
i'm thinking about quitting.
goodnight.
"Nothing's absolutely definite until it's absolutely, definitely gone " -bn
Current Mood:  bitchy
Current Music: brand new-first cd. (repeat)
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03:34 am
[Link] |
dusk purple sky.......
"i ignore all the boys but you" - Reel Big Fish (sorta)
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01:32 am
[Link] |
anticipation.....
late nights at work make for interesting conversations.
wishing i had been somewhere else today.
maybe dead?
kind of regreting friendship, and all that jazz.
love liz maybe too much?
kind of like my other journal better.
wishing someone was up to have a nice sesh with.
i am waiting for the day when things are easy, unfortunatly i don't think that day will come.
contemplating switching career paths.
wishing i had picked residence over a fucking car, that is only mine when nobody else needs it.
excited that stepmom is on tv right now.
hoping my check doesn't have a hold on it anymore.
wishing you'd see me, and tell me how you feel.
i've got my fingers crossed for a nice sesh tomorrow.
i think i'm not accepting signs of regection. because i want you so bad.
laughing to myself about random cologne guy? hah. most halarious person of the day.
all i've ever wanted was to be appreciated, apparently my family thinks this is too much to ask.
wishing i had more money so i didn't have to live here.
wanting bob to wake up and come down stairs
knowing i'm getting NO sleep tonight
giving up on waiting for a message.
goodnight.
Current Mood:  restless
Current Music: lesley pike-worth the wait.
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03:02 pm
[Link] |
ha ha ha. . .
so, someone hit my car. which is just beautiful. really.
i had a crazy talk with my mom today about all the shit that has been pissing me off, and SURPRISINGLY she actually seems to understand where i am coming from with the shit i say. she agrees that i get shit on all the time by my dad. and that she can be unreasonable. and that i do a lot more than i should have to for this fucking family. a family i don't really feel apart of to begin with. anyway. that was good.
my dad officially blames me for parking my car? and someone else hitting it? hm, makes sense eh? he's being a pretty huge jerk today. and ..for a few days now.
my mom thinks it is CRAZY for me to pay the grand my dad wants for the random car repair in june, so that's good. although my dad will be way pissed that i said something to my mom,. at this point. i really don't care. i've spent way too much time getting upset about people who don't really care if i'm around or not. although they do LOVE pretending. anyway..... day has been kinda shitty haha and i've cried a few too many times haha.
i work till midnight tonight, and i hope mike is working.. crossing my fingers.
i thought i felt something
until i realized
you've got nothing..
wishing this was easy
perfection seems to be worth achieving
but today i've given up
i hate dreaming about you everynight
waking up, wishing you were here.
goodnight.
k peace.
"if it's what he wants, and what she wants, then why's there so much pain...."
Current Mood:  frustrated
Current Music: stay together for the kids-blink
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12:09 am
[Link] |
i promise these eyes won't lie.....
and my day was made
by the sight of your eyes.
goodnight.
Current Mood:  blah
Current Music: carve your heart out yourself
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11:00 am
[Link] |
starting to fashion an idea in my head...
i'm actually becoming the craziest person i know. for so long i questioned why some people don't sleep. and now, as if it were overnight, i find myself hardly ever sleeping. i just never get tired. or i feel tired. but i can't sleep, because i don't want to? how does that work?
today when i 'woke up' i was already thinking about crazy amounts of stuff. to be honest, me thinking about stuff never really gets me anywhere. hah, so i'm not sure why i bother, but i guess i can't help it...
the worst feeling is waking up and knowing you've had this feeling before. this uneasy, needy, feeling. it feels so good but so wrong, cause you know you can't do anything. and if you can do something, you don't want to because you lack strength.
last night i dreamt about having a conversation. isnt' that strange? usually i dream about seeing someone, or being with someone. but having a massive conversation about, well, i can't remember now. but i just.. i dunno. this guy does something crazy to my mind.
i wonder, am i just amused? like that someone can actually follow my most random thoughts? or are feelings involved? i don't even know anymore. all i know is i hang off every word he says and hope to see him again.....and what really sucks is i don't think he knows what he does to me, and unfortunatly i don't think he's as impressed with me. i just want this crazy feeling to end.
"kill me while i still believe that you were meant for me"
i'm not going anywhere. but i think i'm about done with writing.
and if i said i wanted to touch your hand again. would that be weird?
"BUT FOR NOW
I'LL LOOK
SO LONGINGLY
WAITING
FOR YOU TO WANT ME
FOR YOU TO NEED ME
FOR YOU TO NOTICE ME"
Current Mood:  pensive
Current Music: as lovers go...dashboard.
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01:48 am
[Link] |
i lie awake it's a quarter past 3..
i love how some people can go on not caring about something for SO LONG. they don't care when you try so hard. they think everything is fine.. or will be fine. and then suddenly when you finally lose hope. or maybe even just will. they come around and seem to care. i'm tired of waiting for people to care that i'm gone. i'm tired of people being angry at me for caring about them. i'm sorry you couldn't see all things i told you a hundred times....but don't come crying to me about how little time we spend, because i don't care, yah, i don't care.
these dreams i have
drive me crazy
it hurts to think about you
it stings when i look at you
it seems worth it..
i'm super tired, and today was soo iffy. the evening was good though. hah got to love that.
"my heart is calling you, and nobody knows it but me..."
wishing i'd realized sooner.
wishing you'd send a glance my way
just wishing.
i'm going to bed. .
star gazing and dreaming..
"i wish i didn't have to wish you were here"
Current Mood: cold
Current Music: silence....
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